Sometimes they don't hate you until your back is turned, and sometimes they don't love you until you're dead.

You're cynical and beautiful

You always make a scene
You're monochrome delirious
You're nothing that you seem
I'm drownin' in your vanity
Your laugh is a disease
You're dirty and you're sweet
You know you're everything to me

Tear down your defenses
'Til there's nothing there but me
You're angry when you're beautiful
Your love is such a tease
I'm drowning in your dizzy noise
I wanna feel you scream

White Houses

"It's about jealousy, it's about losing your virginity, it's about living on your own. It's a story that most people can relate to ... It's really the journey of one girl and her perception of her environment and how she starts out as a wide-eyed person, but everyone gets hardened by life, but not necessarily to the point where you can't feel anymore."

Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's till the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Dani screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon

It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's black leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last

It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades, in white houses

My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first....
mistake

Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us
In white houses

And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses
In white houses
In white houses

Sometimes I don't get you

You Never Get Me. That's The Whole Point
I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was hurricane.
(LFA Pg. 88)

Alaska

"Jesus, it says so much about love and brokenness - it’s perfect."

Darling, Dearest, Dead

dear jason,

we should have been together September 11, 2006.
V.F.D. came for us.

love,
brenda

Suddenly I See

Pathetic isn't something I would normally call myself, but looking back I'm ashamed at how blind I really was.

But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair

my feelings exactly
:

I’ve given up on giving up slowly, I’m blending in so You won’t even know me apart from this whole world that shares my fate. This one last bullet you mention is my one last shot at redemption because I know to live you must give your life away.


And I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go, I promise I’m going because I gotta get outta here I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I’m giving up on doing this alone now Cause I’ve failed and I’m ready to be shown how He’s told me the way and I’m trying to get there And this life sentence that I’m serving I admit that I’m every bit deserving But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair


Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go,
I promise I’m going because I gotta get outta here Cause
I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I am a hostage to my own humanity
Self detained and forced to live in this mess I’ve made
And all I’m asking is for You to do what You can with me
But I can’t ask You to give what You already gave

Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and I’ve been locked inside that house all the while you hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way in knowing where to go,
I promise I’m going because I’ve gotta get outta here
I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I’ve gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You
So were You

when i was young, i knew everything

I'm blasting my music to try to drown out my thoughts, but it's pointless because the lyrics only remind me of what I want to forget. I'm torn between wanting the feeling to go away and trying to keep it longer. You brought out something in me that I never knew I had.

If you have ever lost someone very important to you, then you already know how it feels; & if you haven't, you can't possibly imagine it
A Series Of Unfortunate Events